A guide to mastering constructive conversations
How many times have you avoided having a tough conversation because you thought it would be difficult?
Don’t worry, you're not alone. We all avoid hard conversations from time to time to maintain the status quo and avoid uncomfortable confrontations. However, avoiding these discussions can lead to accountability issues, escalating poor behaviour, and team frustration in a corporate environment.
The good news is that there is a way to have these tough conversations so they can end up constructive and valuable - but only if approached correctly. So, how do you approach them? Here are some tips:
Know yourself BEFORE you start the conversation
Before starting a conversation, reflect on your emotions and biases. Are you feeling anxious or angry? You’ll need to bring a sense of "firm calmness" to keep the conversation on track. Be aware of biases like recency bias (what you’ve heard or experienced last is most memorable), confirmation bias (once we decide on something, we look to find evidence that backs up our point of view), and the halo effect (basically if you have a good opinion of someone already, you’re likely to take that through to everything that person does) - all of which can cloud your judgement.
Preparation is key
Preparation is crucial. Clearly define what you want the other person to know, feel, and do as a result of the conversation. Choose an appropriate time and place, avoiding virtual meetings or public settings. Gather accurate facts and use a structured approach like the AIR Model (Action, Impact, Results) to organise your thoughts and evidence.
Follow the Three Golden Rules
Say less: Choose your words carefully. Focus on the role, not the person, and emphasise areas of agreement.
Say it slower: Use dynamic silence to allow the other person to process your words and lower the conversation's energy level.
Listen more: Show you’ve listened by paraphrasing and checking for understanding. Stay curious about different perspectives and underlying issues.
Co-create the way forward
Instead of dictating solutions, work together to create an action plan. Use open-ended questions to encourage reflection and ownership. This approach increases the likelihood of meaningful change.
Curiosity and openness are key to successful conversations. Remember, it's about working together to solve issues, not just delivering feedback.
Learn more about constructive conversations!
For more detailed insights on this topic, you can join my upcoming webinar on this topic right here.
